Grandpa Nelson

My Grandpa is dying. He has been for a while, but it's for real this time and it sucks. Sunday night, as my Grandpa walked to his kitchen in his apartment in an independent living facility in Holt (Lansing), MI, he suddenly looked very confused. My dad asked him what he was doing, to which Grandpa replied, "I don't know." Dad got him into his recliner and it went downhill from there. Yesterday morning, Grandpa was moved into Eaton Community Hospice in Charlotte, MI. I arrived a little after 1 pm, and found my Grandfather propped up in a hospital bed and looking more like a skeleton (halloween decoration style) with some loose skin thrown over him than my Grandpa. His dentures were out and his eyes were glazed over. He was agitated--moving and twitching involuntary--and mumbling constantly. Occasionally he would talk to us, and it was a struggle to understand him; my Dad interpreted the best he could. My brother pulled in/to the parking lot just after I did and was with us all afternoon, as well. He, my Dad and my Uncle Mark sang Hymns around Grandpa while I stood beside the bed, held Grandpa's hand and cried ... I sang my part in my head but it just wasn't coming out! It was like that all day ... Brian and the kids stayed for a few hours--there is only so much hospice a 6- and 7-year-old can take!

Dad and I stuck around until a little after 8:30, and then decided to head back to Grandpa's apartment to get a good nights rest. I was hesitent to leave Grandpa but we left Dad's cell and Grandpa's apartment phone numbers so they could reach us easily should Grandpa's condition worsen. We went back to Grandpa's apartment--I place full of his things and also a place he won't come back to. We changed the sheets on Grandpa's bed so I could sleep there and looked through some old photo albums. I thought it would be weird or feel disrespectful, but it was strangly comforting to me to be amongst all my Grandpa's "stuff". I slept restlessly, waking up several times thinking about Grandpa, only to say a quick prayer and fall back into a fitful sleep.

We arrived back here around 9 a.m. and were greeted by Grandpa's nurse, who told us she thought we'd notice a big change in Grandpa--but instead of meaning he was a step closer to death, she meant he was much less agitated and anxious. When we got into Grandpa's room, he was alert and aware. When has not restless and twitching, but still and completely in control of his body motions. He spoke to us, and we could actually understand him! He has no recollection of the past few days--when I mentioned that I could understand him so much better, he looked confused and said, "You were here?" He didn't remember any of it. I went and got some coffee for Dad and I, and discovered donuts so I brought one back for each of us as well. When Grandpa saw them, he wanted coffee and a donut, too, so we cut a donut in half and Dad dunked it and fed it to Grandpa, after getting his teeth back in for him, of course. As I write, Grandpa is getting a bath from his Hospice nurse, Evelyn, and Dad and I are in the Family room waiting. This is a beautiful facility--the nurses are kind and helpful (to Grandpa AND to us) and the place is homey and warm. The family members of the other patients are friendly and kind; the patient next door to Grandpa is a 32-year-old attorney with a brain tumor. Her name is Lilly and she has been here for almost a week ... her family is from up-state New York and although obviously grieving, very kind and inviting--the donuts this morning were compliments of Lilly's Dad.

So, we've been given a gift and been able to communicate clearly with Grandpa this morning. He's still dying, but I have to admit that it's a little easier when I know HE KNOWS what is going on. Brian is stopping by with the kids a little later on, and Jason and Anne will be here with their kids, soon, as well. I still pray that the Lord takes Grandpa home soon ... he's in pain and I know he would prefer to be with all his family in Heaven for Thanksgiving rather than lying in a bed here, no matter how nice a place it is. I'm grateful that my dad was able to get up here to spend this time with Grandpa and it's been touching to see my Dad interact with his own Dad in this state ... emotional, but very touching. This time is precious--I'm go glad I've been able to spend it with Grandpa!

(Grandpa in August, 2010)